1. Catch the eye of a strapping man, preferably a tall man.

2. Say “yes” when he asks you to marry him.

3. Bear his children.

4. Do his laundry for 14 years.

5. Stock the refrigerator with bison burgers and chocolate covered strawberries just cuz.

6. Place the chandelier that you want hung in close proximity to where it needs to be installed. Make sure it’s in the way enough to be noticed daily but not in the way enough to actually be in the way.

7. Ask politely only once a week if he can hang the chandelier when he gets a chance. Only ask at a time when you know he cannot do it like as you snuggle down into bed or when you are in the car. That way he doesn’t think you are telling him to do it right then. They need to think it was their idea.

8. Do not nag, fuss, whine or complain about the chandelier. Let the unhung chandelier do that work for you while you be nice.

9. Enjoy watching him hang said chandelier.

10. Gush and gush about how thrilled you are to have it done.

I only had to ask twice. And the second time was a full 12 hours before he hung this. I looked up, and he was on top of the table inspecting the fixture without me uttering a word. One down, two to go.

I know I’m capable of hanging a chandelier. But I never want to know how. So, this is how I hang them. And yes, this chandy was supposed to go in my office. We’ll talk about that very soon.