Happy to Be Home – Are You?

A guest post by Amy Bayliss of Cajun Joie de Vivre
Amy approaches a topic that I’ve never really dug into–how our emotions and memories can affect how we see our home, such an applicable read, I’m going to walk through my house today and see if I have things that are bringing up negative feelings.

Have you ever really considered what kind of emotion your house causes to rise up in you?

I finally gave it some serious thought one day when I walked past my bathroom and caught myself snickering at it while doing the malicious eye roll. For real, I did. I stopped myself mid-step and laughed as I wondered what in the world my bathroom had done to me to deserve such a reaction. That’s when it hit me that homes have a persona whether we want them to or not. I saw my home as my enemy. Time and change gave me a new perspective on the ol’ girl and I’m thrilled to be able to share that with you here today.

I wanted desperately to enjoy living here.

I wanted to be happy at home but I couldn’t be. For years the walls that separated us were made up of more than sheet rock and two by fours. I didn’t like her. I didn’t find her beautiful. She was a nuisance. I tried painting her with new furniture and decor but my feelings didn’t change. I was holding grudges against her. You may find it odd to read that but if you truly ponder it you may find that you have felt the same way at some point too.

It is a true statement that your home is a reflection of you and your innermost being. That means that if we are to ever love our home, enjoy her presence, and see her as the beautiful but imperfect space that she is then we have to change some thought patterns and deal with our emotional baggage. I know it can be tough but it is so worth it.

The first couple of years that we lived here I actually felt as though I was just a visitor with some closet space. I didn’t feel at home.

Everywhere I looked was some negative reminder of something that I wanted to forget. The incomplete kitchen told the tale of when Hurricane Gustav came through and we had to spend the rest of our kitchen budget on damages and a generator. Blue walls in our bedroom made me sad because I didn’t have a say in choosing the colors but yet I had to make it work. I didn’t think this house was “my style” either. I had issues and I blamed my house for them.

The reflection my home gave was of my emotional struggle. I was the driving force behind my not feeling “at home” here.

With that in mind I set out to change and when I did, so did my home.

The process I took was to go area by area and write down what emotion it triggered and why I believed it reflected that in me.

I dealt with each negative memory or feeling in a particular area then I added things to that space that triggered joy, peace or memories that I was fond of. I couldn’t believe some of the things I was holding against my house.


The issue I had with the bathroom was that the shower curtain was the same pattern as a towel that I had been folding when I received a phone call that my mom was near death. Just seeing that pattern triggered the memory of when we were asked to come say our goodbyes. It reminded me of the disbelief, anger and guilt I felt at that time. Until I stopped to think it through I didn’t realize that was why I didn’t like the bathroom. At that point I needed to change. I had to remember the blessings that came from that situation and how far I have come since then. My mom not only lived but our relationship has been healed and renewed. Because of that I wanted to keep the memory of that time alive but I wanted the reflection to be positive so I chose shower curtains with flowers in bloom, just like my mom’s life. She is now in full bloom.

We assign the value to our home. We interpret the character, history and charm.

Even if you don’t have much say in the style or colors of your home you can love her.  Change your perspective by exposing your innermost feelings and deal with them once and for all. Then, make yourself open to a space where two worlds meet and create something so grand that you want to wake up each day and be welcomed by it. Sometimes the walls that need to come down so a home can be beautiful aren’t necessarily the ones that are on the floor plans. That realization helped me to create my surroundings and not let them create me.  I have great joy now and my home reflects it.

About six months ago we made the decision to put our house on the market. We simply examined our priorities and realized that this was the best decision overall based on our current and long-term needs.

You may ask yourself, “how can she give up a home she loves?”

That’s an easy question to answer. The love I feel is a reflection of me. I can bring that anywhere I go

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  1. I love your post. The thought of snickering at your bathroom I understand. I also understand the need to learn to love my present home with all of it’s uniqueness. :-) It serves my family well.

    I read another blog post on Dwell on Joy that relates to this after she moved from the home her family had known to a rental Renting {Happily Ever After}

  2. That is a very interesting post. I’ve never thought about that but now I am. Definitely something to ponder.

    • Hi, Michelle! It was definitely new to me too. It took me a while to understand my thought process towards my house. It was definitely worth pondering. My perspective is completely different towards her now.

  3. My home definitely brings me peace and I have made purposeful decisions to help it do so. I found the pictures in this post meaningful because I have many house plants and I think that having just that little bit of nature in your home can bring such a simple joy.

  4. Fascinating … this is a post to take hold of and read and re-read … there’s a depth of thought and insight that I’ve just got to sit back and contemplate!

    Bottom line? Our homes, our possessions, our stuff should all meld together to become a haven. The rooms, the colors, the objects, the smells, the views, the pictures, the furniture … all should make us smile, give us a sense of delight or some level of satisfaction. Each time we walk through the door, we should sense a feeling of peace and gratitude. It’s all a backdrop for the people that will join me there …

    You’ve given us alot to ponder … thank you!

  5. This is a great post! I often feel like I don’t like my home. We rent, so a lot of the things I really don’t like I can’t fix. I’ve been really trying to focus on the things that I can change & working with what I have. It’s a work in progress.

  6. Is that creeping fig you have planted everywhere? I love all your touches of life!

    • Plants are so important! They really do bring life. My favorite is Peace Lilies. They actually clean the air around us and have such beautiful flowers.

      • What are all the plants in your photos? I love all of them and need ideas on some easy to maintain ones! Thanks for your insight :)

        • opps, sorry, I put the photos in and YES, you have a great eye, they are creeping fig! I’m hoping to plant them outside come spring, they don’t do great inside for me.

        • Hi, Megan! Actually, the photos aren’t mine but I do have many in my home. Let me preface by saying I do not have a green thumb so I needed “easy to maintain” plants. My favorites are peace lilies and Chinese evergreen. I have had them for a couple of years and not killed them!

  7. A very powerful post… Outstanding insight…
    Thank you.

  8. Tiffany says:

    I have been making peace with my “old girl” for the past year. She and I have been through some serious trauma in the past decade that our family has been here – and some of her rooms just bring bad bad memories. But we are working on it – moving isn’t an option – but moving my frame of mind and making some changes is. So – with each change – I am finding more peace with our family home…and she is making peace with us. I can honestly say, for the first time in a while, I love our home…

    • Tiffany, I know what you mean. It is such a relief to finally look past the pain and instead focus on the joy. It’s a hard thing to do but so worth it. I’m so glad you are at peace and have developed love for your ol’ girl!

  9. Such great words!

  10. Several years ago, my husband and I were having problems and attending counselling sessions. During one of the sessions, the cousellor said” you’re not in love with your house, are you?” That hit home and the next day we went shopping for a new bed. In over 30 years of marriage we had never had a head board or even a nice bedroom. That new bed made a lot of difference and then we investigated building a new house, but finally did an extensive remodel of our current house, doing things we both wanted and loved. I have heard of remodelling ending marriages, but I think ours saved it. Now I walk through my house, saying “I am glad we got the granite we both liked. or I love the French doors.”

    • You are speaking to my heart! And what’s funny, the same thing happened to us with the bed. It made a big difference in our marriage. Funny how our emotions can play off of inanimate things. The truth is just like a certain smell can trigger wonderful memories, something as simple as a shower curtain can trigger bad ones.

      I would love to remodel our home but, because we have a semi-large family (four boys and a dog) we need more space. We also need a better school district. Were it not for that I would be more than content to stay here. In fact, I am trying to get someone in my family to purchase it just so we can keep it in a sense. She and I have been through a lot together. :)

      It’s a pleasure to meet you here, Gail!

  11. Love this perspective! I have been wanting to make some changes around here, and I can see where these thoughts come in to play. Finding balance in the creating and where to begin is more than half the battle. Our mindset really does make a difference.

    • You bring up a good point, Ginger.. the where to begin is always an issue. I started with the place I spent the most time in and looked around to see what provoked what feelings. It took off from there!

  12. Jeri Lynn says:

    Great article, Amy! I don’t know that I ever thought of it that way before, but I totally agree. I am in the process right now of creating a kitchen that I love to be in. You know that we recently built (still making progress), and I think I have been scared to mess up my kitchen by adding my own touch. Not wanting to clutter up custom cabinets and stainless steel appliances with my messiness. Just last week I thought to myself, “This is MY kitchen and if I want 10 pots in the window, then I can have it!” Your article confirms and reassures my thought process. I have already begun to create my kitchen space, and it does bring joy! (You’ll just have to come see it for yourself!)

    • Girl, yes you can have as many post as you want in that window. I know much blood, sweat, tears, and fit throwing went into that house. It is beautiful. Make it you! :)

  13. This is so incredibly powerful and timely. Recently, I’ve been looking around our modest home and thinking how cheerful it finally makes me feel after almost seven years of being depressed by it. The circumstances surrounding the purchase of our home were not ideal, and some of our darkest times thus far have taken place in this house. For years, I truly think this house and I were involved in a wrestling match of sorts, and instead of one of us winning, I think we’ve finally called a truce and struck up a warm friendship! I know things are just things, but I have learned just how powerfully they can either positively or negatively affect our moods and outlooks. I am now surrounded by items that have been thoughtfully and carefully selected for how they make me feel and how they improve my quality of life, and the quality of life of my family. As a result, I am better able to see how this house was a tremendous blessing during those difficult times, even if I didn’t fully appreciate it then (and I know I didn’t). Thank you — this is a post I will revisit often and savor!

    • Hi, Lisa! I love your comment. And yes, it is so much about the quality of life, isn’t it. I’m so glad you have seen this. It makes such a difference.

  14. This is such a FENG SHUI insight! When I get people to get into feng shui, I usually start with a “let’s shed stuff” phase in which clients are to ask themselves for every object in the house: do I truly love this. If the answer is yes, it can stay. If not…. it goes into … the box. ;-)

    Needless to say, a painful project and marvelous results.

    • I love the “toss it” box! Everything in my home is gong to be something precious to someone. I have had the goodwill truck come to my home on 8 occasions in the last year. We have reduced the amount of stuff we had by half. I love it!

  15. That was an amazing and thought provoking post… that i will carry with me and ponder throughout the day…

    thank you so much for sharing …


  16. This is a topic very near and dear to my heart. Very well done and thought provoking!

    It’s so hard for me to determine what exactly it is about our house I don’t like. Objectively, I love how it’s decorated and how that reflects our family. We have many, many wonderful memories that were made in this house. However, I bought this condo in 2006, at the height of the real estate market, and we are so, so underwater on it. I feel like the act of buying it was a colossal mistake, and that really taints how I feel about it. We always intended to move to a single family home after around 5 years, and now that is pretty much an impossibility. We want a yard, maybe one more bedroom, and more windows. All things that we can’t have in our current home.

    It’s hard to feel love for a place when you’re so stuck. I have to say I loved this essay until the end when you stated you were putting the house on the market and moving. That just made me groan and think, “I wish I could do that!!!”

    • I actually do understand what you mean, Stephanie. Our house was financed several years ago after Hurricane Katrina. Because so many were displaced and needed homes the prices of the homes skyrocketed. We overpaid by about 18,000. That was another reason I hated the house. Funny thing is it wasn’t until I loved her that I found it worth it to pay down that 18k in order to buy a new one. I know that seems strange but it was all about my perspective. However, this post was written a few months back. Since then we have decided to put off selling our house. Paying down the overage made it a lot better for us. We will eventually sell because our growing family has different needs in this season of life, but loving this home has made the in between time a joy and not a burden.

      • Thanks for your reply! Interesting how your paying down what you were upside down on made you feel better about things, and that you’re not actually selling. Right now our long term plan is to save for a down payment on another house and rent out the condo (because right now I estimate we’re probably $50-$75k underwater!) and I really do need to keep this part of what you said in mind, “We will eventually sell because our growing family has different needs in this season of life, but loving this home has made the in between time a joy and not a burden.” Perhaps working toward our goal will make me feel better about the in between time.

      • oh whoops, that’s my fault, I forgot to post this GREAT Post, I should have ran it by you just in case you needed to update anything!

  17. Wow, I could SO relate to this post! I think even going through grief(losing a loved one) in a home can be difficult and you can start looking at it different. I know the exact place and room I was sitting in when my Mother in law was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer (I loved that woman so much) and watching my children cry for their grandma. It took quite some time (truly a couple of years) because we were all grieving and her death happened so quickly that we started to enjoy home again. There are so many things that spark memories (good and bad) in our homes and it is truly more then the actual “stuff” that causes us emotions, I will have to think more deeply now when I hate something about the house, what is the real reason? Sometimes it will be I just hate it but other times there may be more to it. Loved this post!

    • Exactly! We had memories throughout this home from dealing with losing Mark. That was hard. My kids still go to various places in our home to grieve. That’s hard on a mama. I know it is even harder on them. But, we’re starting to see that we find comfort in these places and times. We have to grieve. Most people thing grieving causes you to let go of someone and they are afraid of that. I think it is the opposite. It is at those times and in those places that I feel closest to Mark. It’s weird but the backyard is my favorite place here at our home. It is the first place I went when I got the phone call. Now, when I am out there, I feel like I am connecting with him. Why? It is the place where I can get in touch with my emotions. I no longer dread it but I welcome it. I have to make sure my kids don’t bury their dad for fear of feeling the pain. I can’t let them forget him. I give them every opportunity to connect with him through their emotions. It has been a blessing for us.

  18. It’s funny how places can be tied to such strong emotions… but, it’s totally true. Thanks for such an insightful post. It’s hard to create a refuge in a place that you roll your eyes about!! I’m letting my heart settle a bit on some of these thoughts – thanks Amy!

  19. I sometimes have a difficult time loving my home because I often feel like I can’t make it my own because it’s a rental. I’m always thinking “some day….” when I really need to find ways of appreciating what God has blessed us with. Noisy neighbors and all! :)

    • You know Jenni, Nester has some great posts about this! She offers some great and helpful insight. And yes, we can love our homes despite our neighbors. Trust me, girl. I have the kind of neighbors they make Jerry Springer episodes about!

  20. I needed this post, Amy! I am mean to my house. I know that sounds a bit excessive {and a tad crazy} but reading your post I realized why. And, now I am going to go room by room and deal with that and turn this place into a home that I love and the home she deserves to be.

  21. Amy,
    I totally agree with your comment that you can take it with you.
    I’ve moved several times in my life, but only once since getting married. That move was a big one from FL to TN. Once we got here, I said I never wanted to move again. Ha! It’s 8 years later and we’re re-evaluating our goals and leaning towards moving again. Now, I completely want to have a settled home where my future grandbabies can come play, but realize that one more home may not be God’s plan for us.

    Our current home was built in 1905. She’s held up well, but is in need of some improvements…like, maybe a second bathroom…oh YES! Our one and only bathroom (and we are a family of 6, 4 of being female) is in the master bedroom. Ahem. Yes, a second bathroom would be lovely. :)

    It’s sometimes hard to separate and have the memories, but not the actual “thing”. Giving up those things can be so freeing. The memories are always with you, always.

  22. Missy G. says:

    Wow, thank you so much for this post. I also have a lot of ill will toward our house. I moved into my husband’s house when we were married, and there are several things that still bother me. There are times that I feel more like his roommate paying rent, rather than his wife. Particularly because we have itty, bitty closets, so I use our guest room as my closet. The house is also filled with all of his old stuff, not much of mine or ours. I think the only room that I don’t resent is the kitchen because we painted, got new appliances, new dishes, etc, after we were married. I never thought of how I take all that out on the house, and now I wonder how this affects my marriage. Lots to think about and discuss with hubby now. Thank you again for this post.

    P.S. Just read through my initial comments, and I realized that I never, not once, called my house a “home.” Sad.

    P.S.S. I just found your blog about a week ago, Amy, and now here you are again! LOL. I live in Baton Rouge, so I was happy to find a local blogger to follow!

  23. I can honestly say I have never considered this! Brilliant, really. I love our current home, but there is one space that I avoid because I simply don’t like the ‘feel’ of it. I need to go up there and have a moment with my emotions and figure it out! Thanks so much for this!

    • such a great point to think about if there are spaces you avoid. hmmm, i avoid my boy’s bathroom for sure….amoung other things…

  24. I can definitely relate to this post…. When I moved into my home; I was so excited. The house had just been remodeled, so there wasn’t much need to make any changes. After 5 + years, several sweet loving dogs (pomeranians), a mechanic boyfriend, and 2 children…. well I bet you can guess what a mess it has become. My house is more of a stressor than a tranquil space. But good news, I have reduced other stressors in my busy life to focus more on restyling my home… note blog name. I have a lot of work to do; but at least I’m moving in the right direction… lastly Amy, thank you so much for sharing.

  25. This is true but can be hard when you move ever three years. I must have my husband read this article. Maybe then he would understand, I spent a lot of time at home and the feel of the room brings me comfort. It is always nice to know that we are not alone or wired, somethings are just true. Thanks so sharing, you are awesome.

    Eileen Leacock

  26. Amy, I can so relate. And now that you write this . . . I see that I need to get a hold of the feelings I have towards my house! And it does affect our environment and how my children feel. I get frustrated at our house . . . all the repairs . . . how it sucks up our time, resources, money . . . certain smells bother me. I recognize those triggers now. Thanks for opening my eyes. I need to work on this. Time to go diffuse some oils!

  27. The best way for me to enjoy my home is to keep it as simple as possible. If I have any decor, it MUST be meaningful to me. Not just something to put out just to take up space. I am not a knick-knack type of person. (My mom was when I was growing up, so this may play a HUGE role in this decision, lol). My mom had shelves and shelves, desks, tables of just stuff everywhere. She loves old countryish stuff and antiques; victorian style, etc.

    One of the things I have concluded for me is less is more. I don’t want to spend my life constantly picking up, organizing, and re-organizing my “stuff”. I’d rather use my time in more productive ways. So the less I keep around, the better.

    All that to say, the best way for me to love my home, is keep it simple. :)

    Great post, Amy!!

    • Christin, you are so lucky to learn this at a young age, it’s taken me over 30 years to figure out that I don’t get much joy out of knick knacks, tchotchokies, gee gaw {I actually asked one day what all everyone called their “little junk” that’s what Emily and I used to call it} anyway, well said.

  28. Can I just say… and “frankly, who the hell am I right”? …. that I enjoy reading your blog
    more than words can express. You have a way of saying things…. making me laugh out loud…
    making me smile and that is a RARE quality in a person. I can’t remember how I found this blog
    because I only follow 3 blogs. I am a professional who deals with small town people while using Skype to work with BIG budget clients in LA, Dallas and Houston. I am a visual branding authority and I’ve worked hard to establish myself as the go to girl across the country. I adore your subtle humor and I often yearn for it checking back for a bit more during a long cold Lake Erie winter. You supply joy in Aces! This is not just a blog with advertising and some quick whit. It is a sunny break in my day. My relationship with you and this blog is one sided I guess but like many others out there…. We feel so connected to you and that “stupid sailfish”! Rock on Sister!!!!!!

    • OH Leah I am SO laughing, you better watch it, that sailfish has a really sharp, um,….pointy thing coming out of his mouthy area–anyhow, thank you for your comment–wish I could take credit for today’s post but it’s all Amy!

  29. Jessica says:

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. I’ve been resenting my home for over 2 years now — pretty much since the day we moved in. We were supposed to be here temporarily and now we’re here with our first child. I have hesitated decorating like I want because I am so ready to leave. Now I know we’ll probably be here for a while and after reading your blog today, I am certain I need to make this place my home. Not only because I deserve it, but because my infant daughter deserves to have a place her mother has made a home.

  30. Definitely some food for thought Amy. There’s certain aspects of my home that I despise and others that I love. I like your idea of going room by room and making it become that special place for me. It can be so much more! Thanks for the inspiration to look at my home in a new light!

  31. Thanks for this, Amy! I have never thought of it that way before. We live in my grandparents’ farm house and it has taken years for me to feel that I could put things in a different places than grandma did. Silly, but I remember the way she had things for 22 years before I lived there. After making it “our home”, it is much cozier and it feels like ours.

    There were two deaths in the home when they lived there, but the one that stands out the most was my 9 year old uncle, Phillip. He had an accident in the yard where my kids play. Back then, they brought the coffins back to the home before the funeral. I never realized how much thought impacted me, until our son, named Phillip turned 9. I always heard grandma talk about that day and where the casket was. I almost had a nervous breakdown that day and a friend helped me see how my thoughts, memories of stories, and fear of death were overpowering me.

    A book that has helped me with dealing with thoughts is “Who Switched Off My Brain?” ~~ very helpful! Thanks so much for this great post!!

  32. I posted on your blog, Amy and I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t getting a tonne of comments. When I went back to your site I realized that there was more to read on “the Nester”. I love the end of the article… here is what I already said on your site.

    Absolutely, we bought a wonderful home after we were recovering from illness and debt and the home is much smaller. I blamed the home for my kids not getting along with their new classmates. I blamed the home for them not having room to play mini stick hockey in the house. I blamed the house for the lack of room. I especially blamed the house for being next door to party central.

    I spent a bunch of money on organizing the house so that every thing has a home. I spent more money on furniture and paint. I didn’t fall in love with the home as mine until the party central next door moved to the country and the kids ended up best friends with their former bullies (friends of the kids from party central).

    It wasn’t the house’s fault but I sure acted like it was.

  33. I went through a similar experience recently. We’ve been renting an apartment since we got married, and it’s not that great of an apartment. Our intention was always to eventually buy a house, but that hasn’t happened yet. Until the past few months, I’ve unconsciously put living – really living – in my apartment on hold because it wasnt’ really my “home” yet. So now I’m actually taking the time and investing a little money in making the apartment feel like a real home. It doesn’t matter what the space is; it matters what you make of it.

  34. Thank you for this post. It reflects the way I feel most of the time about my home. I have an incomplete kitchen right this moment and I can’t help but focus on it every time I’m in there. Sometimes I just get downright angry about it that it’s just not in the budget at this time. Things are almost always in a state of incomplete. Over at my blog, I just changed my header to “Happy at Home.” I truly am happiest when I am at home, but I’ve never thought about the negative emotions that linger in every almost every corner that trigger the “not so happy” memories. We are in this house for 14 years now and there’s so much history.
    I think I’m going to change my thoughts on this. My home is not “incomplete” and neither am I! We are both just “A work in progress.”

  35. Great post, Amy :) :) My father and I are living in my aunt’s home. We had to move because the economy in Oregon wasn’t doing good things for us :) :) so my aunt’s home is nice, but sometimes I still feel like I”m just a “guest” instead of actually living here. We do our best to keep things clean, but when I go through everyroom, I’m always thinking about “Will she like this or be angry?”, instead of feeling happy that I’ve got a nice home to live in with plenty of space. Granted, I don’t feel that way all the time, but I have to really pray for grace to not speak my mind, when my aunt says something. I just wish she’d realize that a clean house is less important than then the people living in the home. Now, having said that, I do want to honor my aunt by keeping it lovely, simple and clean :) :) Have a great weekend. Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather :)

  36. I can so relate, thanks for putting it all eloquently! Some areas of my home I love… others make me feel very depressed like I’m in a dungeon. I wondered why b/c my last home I never felt that way. Then I realized our rental is very dark and dank and we are not allowed to paint or change anything. It also has a lot of broken doors/windows/rotting wood cabinets and such so there is always a fresh mildew/rotting smell. Now that I know why it depresses me, I can work on some areas and countdown the days we can get out of here.

  37. Oh my gosh, your blog post really hit ‘home’ for me today. I have hated the house we live in since we moved in 5 years ago. It’s one of those modern rental places that just to me seems like it has no soul or personality and everything is beige. When we chose our funiture we didn’t know how long we were going to live in this house and chose neutral beige sofas and mocha curtains. I’ve always felt like this house is a transitional house and it’s not ‘mine’ so why bother doing anything special with the space. But one of my new years resolutions was to make the house as much of a home as I can within the terms of my rental contract and have since started plans on semi-permanent changes and accessorising to the kitchen and our bedroom. I’m working on making curtains and soft kitchen funishings like pretty oven gloves and aprons for my kitchen and some embroidered pictures and appliqued quilt for my bedroom. Thanks Amy, you’ve inspired me to look at other areas of my home and try to figure out why they bother me. Maybe one day I’ll love my home as much as you love yours.

    • Same here! We’re in a home that we own for only two years. I just can’t get it to feel like “mine.” We’re moving again, so I don’t feel too upset about it. However, our next home is the one I’m going to really personalize. I might even make a blog dedicated to that entire process.

  38. I think it was Flylady who advised people not to keep things that conjure up a bad memory. I’m sure she wasn’t the first to say it, though. It is SUCH good advice. I look at a particular dresser in my home and I think of my crazy stepmother in law who did such damage to our family ~ AND gave us the dresser when we were first married. UGH! I’m deciding if I should either change it completely by painting it, or just cut bait and sell it.
    Timely post!
    LOVE your site.

  39. Thanks for this post. It was just the message I needed to hear.

  40. This is great! I need to think about that!!! I’m sure there are some things that bring me down that I need to reconsider. Muchas gracias!

  41. Wow. This post got me. I have lived in my current home for a year and a half, ave made changes to it that I have always wanted to do to a home, and yet, it does nit feel like home. I do like the house, but my problem is I don’t like where we live, so I don’t consider this my forever home, so when I do something to fix her up, I always think ” will the next buyer like this”. Its sad, because we rented homes forever, and now that we own, I does not feel like home.


  42. Christie says:

    We rent, have a lazy property manager, and the things in disrepair discourage me. Just today, I was making crepes and the house got hazy with the cooking because the hood above the stove doesn’t work. It set the smoke detector off, and I about cried with the frustration of it.

    I would like this house IF it were mine and I could make changes, but the house reminds me that I have little control over anything here, even the broken items! It discourages me to realize that I once really cared about cleaning up spots on my carpet when we owned a home, but don’t care so much about the already-stained up rental carpet.

    Lessons to be learned while living here? I hope I’m being weaned from the attachment of material wealth but it is dearly hard! I hope to someday be content and grateful with whatever home I’m given. I know I don’t deserve anything more than anyone else in this world, but I sure don’t act like it with the way I dislike this home.

    I sometimes try to imagine that this sweet little home (built in the 70s by a kindly elderly couple) needs to be cared for the way they cared for it. Unfortunately, they sold the house 6 or 7 years ago and it that quickly fell into renter’s doldrums before we moved in 2 years ago.

  43. This post really hit home for me. I have never, ever liked my kitchen and 14 years later it is exactly the same as the day we bought our home. I have long dreamed of starting fresh with a brand new light, bright kitchen but as I get older I find myself questioning the real value of things more and I no longer feel comfortable with the idea of spending that kind of money.

    Recently I found the most beautiful fabric for curtains that actually matches both the orangey-stained cabinets and the dark red counters/backsplash, AND totally fits my style. That prompted me to completely reorganize my kitchen and finally find a place inside the cabinets for all the little odds and ends that lived on my counters before. Even though I would never choose the color scheme I’ve got, I am starting to feel a strange, unfamiliar delight in my kitchen just as it is.

    Learning to love what I’ve already got is such a freeing feeling. I’m free to enjoy my home now instead of waiting for it to be what I wish it would be. We are free from the stress of finding the money to afford all those changes. And my dear husband is free from the pressure of feeling like he is not able to make my dreams come true. Win, win, win!

  44. I find I’m learning this lesson recently. How affected I am by the emotions and state-of-mind by certain items/areas in my home. I’m facing the negative ones and making the choice to do something about it — let it go, make a change, re-vamp it, whatever. Sometimes re-purposing an item or moving it to a different space is all I need to do.
    Facing it head on and even speaking it out loud is great therapy – so healing!
    Thank you for your beautiful words and thoughts.

  45. To answer the topic question, yes I am happy to be home. I live two hours away from my childhood home and the feeling of going back reminds me of those growing up memories. The best place that I go the most back home is the kitchen. It’s the reason why our family bonds together for a happy meal.

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